When it's nine in my afternoon.

It doesn't matter how far I get how high I reach there will always be a shadow behind my tracks. the shadow of "and if..." the shadow of my own fears, nothing perfect, nothing perfectly controlled, my own insecurity.I need nothing but everything at the same time, noone but smone to love me at the same time.I want noone to discover my weakness but smone to hug me when I fell like falling.who could tht be??? I can't give up thinking, good thinks or bad things but always thinking, possible future or impossible present....my head is always working, never stops can't help it I'm always analising evrything but I really need it. Am I an hedonist??..partialy yeah I am, but didn't I deserve being happy like the others???..maybe no or may yes who knows.... I just want to be "HAPPY" or smthing like it...