and surprisingly it hurt...

I couldn't spect this, I would have never thought this ws gonna hurt this way...why does it hurt this way??maybe coz I know this was happening or because it was the first time or because I thought u were stronger or because I wanted it to be perfect,...But it hurt a lot eventhough I wasn't crying and I was not gonna do it. Despite the fact that you never wanted to talk about that...it hurt. I just wanted to protect myself though i didn't want to hurt you I don't even know if I did but I don't regret it if it hurts you I don't care I just told u how I felt, I didn't want you to be that weak and I didn't want you to control the situation u said no and tht's what's gonna be. Not now not in 3 weeks time no in 2 months no when u feel better, a relationship is about 2 ppl not just u, "I want to do thing properly and if I cannot do it properly I'd rather do it" fine I'm gonna do things properly too and you'r gonna regret it for sure I do want u to regret what you did the mistake u made this time cannot be forgiven sorry but no.
I cannot belive you just give up so easily without even think "but it's just this situation don't worry when I came through it..." u just said no then I'm saying no too, u'r choice ur concecuences.
Now we are just friends.

Confused

There you came smiling with no plans but sure that you didn’t want to intimate too much, you did and now you regret it “not that u didn’t have fun”u said but it sounds so serious so true so mean that u regret it… U’re scared of a word, I can understand that I am too but I didn’t know it was tht scary, it’s just a word and nothing u can never leave. You look at me like I’m a cute doll made of glass just about to break itself into pieces, I’m not. I know u were upset and worried about what happened and about ur job but I cannot forget what u said, it didn’t hurt that much but it was disappointing Maybe I just need to grow up and realize that nothing is what u think it will be but it’s like I’ll never learn that kind of things happen to me all the time I think that smthing is gonna be special but in the end it’s not, it’s just frustrating and it was so nice till I made that mistake till WE made tht mistake, u got cross and worried and upset so u said a lot of things u regreted late but the harm was already done, now I’m gonna let you choose, I’m not crying not tht I’m gonna do it just do smthing u’r unable to do, u have a lack of confidence and tht makes u get confused and make u be confusing, So I’m gonna do it, it may break ur heart it’s gonna be ur own fault u’r gonna choose and no one is gonna force you. U’ll have to decide whether u want to be my friend or wanna try smthing more, ur choice I cannot do it anymore I cannot choose when you smtimes want to and other don’t.Just decide I’ll give you time 3 days or even more I just need u to think make list of advantages and disadvantages, think what u like and dislike, the possibilities, …..but do it, I will accept ur decision I won’t cry and not get cross I’ll just let u face the concecuancies as u told me I’ll take my choices and u’ll take urs.
What made me come this far?? The way u say goodbye, u kissed me a lot during the 3 days u were here and the night u got cross u realized u made a mistake and touched my hands and arms but when I was saying good bye when I was about to forget everything u just acted like u were made of ice, just two kisses in my cheek u wanted me to do the do same so I did, when I wanted to hug u, u was unable to do it and when I wanted u to take my hand u didn’t want to so I said fine that’s what u want u’ll have it. I’m just worried about ur work I’m worried u loose it, I was worried and a little hurt about what u told me but now I realize I shouldn’t , I’ve always got through all the things tht happened in my life why shouldn’t I do the same this time, you choose I’ll be ur friend anyway I won’t be resentful and that’s all I wanted to say.

Careful what you do coz god is watching your every move....

No, this is not a crazy religious talk, it's a song oh a great anime and manga called "death note" it aint about god it's about a very inteligent guy that find the death note.This is a note owned by a shinigami(god of death) and used to enlong the shinigami's life. So as he found it he uses it for killing all hte criminals and as he does it he's called the new god kira tht's a funny pronutiation of killer. Great anime and manga.
But what whould u do with a death note??? As I'm not as intelligent as Light(funny metaphor) I won't make it tht tidy and coordinated but I'll kill all hte terrorist,killers,rappists,.....and I'll enjoy doing it.
But the conclusion is not clear, would it be right?? live in a world ruled by a vengative god, tht aint a god it's a human, tht will kill you if you kill, steal, rap,... And where could his acts place him??? isn't he a killer???
Funny topic huh? as I don't have followers noone is gonna answere but it could be funny to discus it any further...

When it's nine in my afternoon.

It doesn't matter how far I get how high I reach there will always be a shadow behind my tracks. the shadow of "and if..." the shadow of my own fears, nothing perfect, nothing perfectly controlled, my own insecurity.I need nothing but everything at the same time, noone but smone to love me at the same time.I want noone to discover my weakness but smone to hug me when I fell like falling.who could tht be??? I can't give up thinking, good thinks or bad things but always thinking, possible future or impossible present....my head is always working, never stops can't help it I'm always analising evrything but I really need it. Am I an hedonist??..partialy yeah I am, but didn't I deserve being happy like the others???..maybe no or may yes who knows.... I just want to be "HAPPY" or smthing like it...